Friday, December 28, 2007

Part II

continued:

DirtyLarry
Posted 11/27/2007 9:16:06 PM

An old one I heard before. Why do black people run so fast?

Because all of the slow ones are in prison.

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Magyar15
Posted 11/27/2007 10:19:53 PM

Whats the difference between a baby and a pizza?

A Pizza doesnt cry when you put it in the oven

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Magyar15
Posted 11/27/2007 10:30:54 PM

Did you know that there are female hormones in beer?

"female hormones in beer, impossible"

Its true, when you drink beer, you get fat, you cry, you stop making sense, you talk too loud, and cant drive a car

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eps_300
Posted 11/28/2007 6:45:21 AM

A smart american a terorist santa and the tooth fairy jump off a cliff who hits the ground first

the terorist the others dont exist

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AtmaDave
Posted 11/28/2007 9:55:52 AM

What would you have called the Flintstones if they were black?

African-American gentlemen.

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frantic13
Posted 11/28/2007 10:07:40 AM

what's the best thing about twenty-nine year olds?
there's twenty of 'em!

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k debonair
Posted 11/28/2007 10:19:11 AM

What do you call a white man surrounded by 20 black men? . . . . . . Coach.

What do you call a white man surrounded by 1000 black men? . . . . . . Warden.

What do you call a white man surrounded by 3 black men? . . . . . . . Mugged.

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AtmaDave
Posted 11/28/2007 10:24:32 AM

"Hey, remember the Jetsons?"

"Of course. That was that cartoon where people lived in the future and drove flying cars and stuff, right? I used to watch that all the time when I was a kid."

"You remember the name of the father Jetson?"

"Yeah, he was George."

"How about his son? Remember the name of his son?"

"His boy Elroy, yeah, that was it."

"Remember the name of the GREEN Jetson?"

"I don't think they had any GREEN people on the Jetsons."

"Ain't the future great?"

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GreatTemplar
Posted 11/28/2007 10:37:26 AM

Theres an American, a Russian and a Mexican stranded out at sea on one boat. They decide they need to ditch some weight if they are ever going to get anywhere. The mexican says

"This is so plentiful in my country, I will toss it overboard" and so he tosses his bottles of tequila off the boat.

The russian chimes in

"I too have very much of this in the motherland" and tosses his supply of vodka off the boat.

In the spirit of harmony the american says "I too have plenty of this in my country" and then he tosses the mexican overboard.


Why doesn't mexico have any olympic teams?

All the ones that can run, swim, jump or climb are already in america.


What do you call a black guy in a sleeping bag? Snickers

What do you call two black guys in a sleeping bag? Twix

What do you call a black guy and white girl in a sleeping bag? rape

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Psynyde
Posted 11/28/2007 1:51:05 PM

What's green and blue and stays in the corner?

A dead baby.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.

How do you unload a truck full of dead babies?

With a pitchfork, stupid!

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Psynyde
Posted 11/28/2007 1:56:21 PM

What's green and slimy and smells like pork?

Kermit the Frog's finger.

A black guy, a white guy and a Mexican are all at a party when this superhot girl walks up the white guy and says, "I need to dance with you. Alone. Now".
So the white guy goes into a back room with her, and they start fooling around. Right as she starts going downtown, she goes a HUGE pair of horns. The white guy runs for his life.
She comes back and says to the black guy, "I need your African oak."
And the black guy goes into the back, they start fooling around, but again, soon as she starts giving head, she grows horns. The black guy runs even faster than the white guy did.
Finally she comes back for the Mexican. She says to him, "I want a some of your hot chorizo".
So the Mexican guy goes into the back room with her, she does her thing, and once again she starts growing horns.

The Mexican guy looks at her for a second, and then says; "ORALE! HANDLEBARS!"

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VeganEskimo
Posted 11/28/2007 2:37:41 PM

How are girls like rocks?

The flat ones are easier to skip.

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Flabbergastivity
Posted 11/28/2007 3:14:23 PM

Why did the boy drop his lollipop?

Because he got hit by a truck.

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Iblis_Nevermore
Posted 11/28/2007 3:51:16 PM

How many babies do you need to paint a house?
>__>
<__<

Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Magyar15
Posted 11/28/2007 4:58:58 PM

Did you know that Helen Keller had a treehouse?

Neither did she

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Seruna_Kanus
Posted 11/28/2007 5:38:38 PM

Biggest Joke I can think of? The US court system.

How do you starve a black man? Put his food stamps in his work boots.


A farmer is walking out side when he sees his son putting a trough on a cattle scale. He walks up to his son and asks him, "Son, what in tarnation are you doing?"

The boys looks up at his dad and says, "Can't you see? I'm a weighin' a manger."

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osakaaet
Posted 11/28/2007 6:35:44 PM

How did Helen Keller know when the pull to ripcord on her parachute?
When her guide dog lead got slack.

What do you call a Frenchman that steps on a landmine?
Napoleon Blownapart

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Ryman2
Posted 11/28/2007 11:01:45 PM

This is a visual joke:

http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc55/Ryman2/well.jpg?t=1196316049

(small picture, I know)



You then ask, "What is this picture of?"

"I don't know, what?"

"The last thing a black man sees as he falls down a well"

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LOZLTTP
Posted 11/28/2007 11:15:51 PM

What's red and green and moving at 60 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

What's black and white and red all over?

Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.

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Psynyde
Posted 11/28/2007 11:50:20 PM

What's the last thing that went through JFK Jr's mind when his plane hit the ground?

His ass.

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Iblis_Nevermore
Posted 11/30/2007 1:16:33 AM

Q: What's long, hard and full of seamen?
A: A submarine.

Q: How do racial jokes start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: How do you get three little old ladies to say the "F" word?
A: Have a fourth one yell "Bingo!"

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler.

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xSilentSnakex
Posted 11/30/2007 1:42:40 AM



You guys wanna hear a joke?



























Women's rights.

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Psynyde
Posted 11/30/2007 4:00:01 AM

Q: What has a hundred balls and screws old ladies?

A: Bingo.

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Seruna_Kanus
Posted 12/1/2007 12:38:48 PM

Q: What is one way to get to the front of the welfare line?
A: Announce that you are the DEA.

Q: What is another way?
A: Announce that you have come to collect child support.

Q: What is a third way?
A: Announce that you are with the INS.

Q: And the best way?
A: Announce that there is a pornstar outside looking for a minority actor.

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Seruna_Kanus
Posted 12/2/2007 11:00:50 PM

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Cut the rope.

How do you get a mexican out of a tree? Leave a few joints on the ground beside it.
How do you keep the mexican out of the tree after that? Don't worry, he'll be too stoned to climb.

How do you get an Asian into a tree? Hide a computer loaded with porn in it.

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NoPayneNoGain
Posted 12/3/2007 12:12:08 AM

Yo mamma's like a brick. Dirty, flat on both ends, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

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w_churchill
Posted 12/3/2007 2:35:47 AM

What's the smartest thing to ever come out of Xanthippe's mouth?
Socrates' dick

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Triad
Posted 12/3/2007 4:34:20 PM

What's so bad about being a black jew?

You have to go in the back of oven.

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Magyar15
Posted 12/3/2007 8:47:21 PM

What do you do when you see a bleeding Mexican in your back yard?

Stop laughing and shoot him again

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Magyar15
Posted 12/3/2007 8:53:50 PM

What do you do when you run over a Mexican?

Back up

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sasas46
Posted 12/3/2007 8:55:55 PM

Whats the difference between a black guy and a vampire?

Skin Colour

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Magyar15
Posted 12/3/2007 9:00:52 PM

Okay, so a man was sitting at a bar, and a local women, very much infatuated with the man, walks up to him and whispers "I want you to make me feel like a real woman"

The man nods in agreement, removes his jacket, and gives it to her stating "good, I need this ironed"

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Tommyknocker Man
Posted 12/3/2007 9:17:38 PM

Q: What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?

A: You know she'll swallow!


Credit where credit is due: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/88q1/10534.html

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Magyar15
Posted 12/4/2007 10:29:06 PM

How do you sink an Italian submarine

Put it in the water

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telemotion
Posted 12/5/2007 7:28:02 AM

a man is walking through the woods at night with an 8 year old boy.
the kid says to the man, "it's so dark out here. i'm scared."
the man replies, "you think your scared? i have to walk back through here alone!"

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eps_300
Posted 12/5/2007 4:03:07 PM

How many frenchmen does it take to defend paris.
no one knows they never tried.

Whats the diferance between a dead baby and a ferari
i havent got a ferari in my garage.

Whats the diferance between a british and an iraqi tank
i dont know either welcome to the USAF.

A talking teadybear of the prophet muhamid has been made we don't know what it says no ones had the guts to pull the string.

Whats 8 inches long and makes a woman screem.
cot death.

How do you spot a frenchman in a battle.
Hes the bastard thats running away.

Why did god invent alcohol.
to stop the irish achieving anything.

What do you call a muslim on the moon.
a problem
What do you call 1,000 muslims on the moon
a big problem
What do you call all the muslims on the moon
Problem solved

What do you say to a black man in a suit.
Will the defendant please rise.

What do you do to a one armed ethiopean hanging off a bridge
put a chocolate bar in his pocket

Whats the diferance between rape and football.
Women hate football.

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Magyar15
Posted 12/5/2007 4:05:17 PM

What the Polish national bird?

The house fly

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eps_300
Posted 12/5/2007 4:17:38 PM

A few that only other brits are likely to get

What has replaced i spy in birmingham
spot the white man

What do you call a scouser in a car
A suspect

Why are the okypics being held in the east end of london
the bullets will make them run faster

From a while ago
First the hookers and now the chickens are any birds in susex safe

Omar is killed in iraq he reaches allah and is told there are no more virgins so allah gives him a choice
Ill give you 100 aisians, 50 whores or 2 girls from dundee

Whats the most dangerous thing for a brit in iraq
An A-10

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Shunsatsu
Posted 12/5/2007 4:29:31 PM

Q. What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?

A. When the big hand touches the little hand.

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eps_300
Posted 12/5/2007 4:47:31 PM

What is the primary export of isreal
Pork scratchings

Why do the french mesure their dicks in metric and not inches
they cant do fractions

A guy goes to see black prostatute what does he get
AIDS

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Psynyde
Posted 12/6/2007 12:31:03 AM

http://www.explosm.net/comics/1101/

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PhoenixEmperor
Posted 12/6/2007 12:44:22 AM

How many Jews can you get in a Mini?

3 in the backseat, 5000 in the ashtray

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Omegadramon
Posted 12/6/2007 12:33:40 PM

I like my women like I like my wine. 13 years old and locked in the basement.

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Psynyde
Posted 12/6/2007 1:27:34 PM

I like my women like my scotch;

Twelve years old and mixed up with coke. (Big ups to Wada for this one).

I also like my women like my whiskey;

25 years old and stuck in a barrel.

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Psynyde
Posted 12/6/2007 1:43:17 PM

You think that's lame? THESE are lame-

Why do police lieutenants wear belts?

To hold up their pants.

What's green, slimy, weighs 10,000 pounds and sits at the bottom of the ocean?

Moby Snot.

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telemotion
Posted 12/6/2007 3:45:37 PM

why do chicken coups only have two doors?

because if they had four they would be chicken sedans!

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bearstronaut
Posted 12/7/2007 3:16:32 PM

What's red, screams, and crawls around in circles?
A baby with it's arm nailed to the floor

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zhukov1943
Posted 12/7/2007 4:06:00 PM

What's the coolest thing about pedophilia?

Next to a six-year old, your **** looks freakin' HUGE.

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PhoenixEmperor
Posted 12/7/2007 4:09:47 PM

What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?

One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.

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little white mage
Posted 12/7/2007 4:20:42 PM

A jew with an erection walks into a wall, what happens?

He breaks his nose.



What's the worst thing about being a paedophile?

You never fit in anywhere.

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TeethPhD
Posted 12/7/2007 4:21:40 PM

What's the best part about having sex with a preteen girl?

If you slick her hair back, she looks just like a boy.

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drxia00
Posted 12/7/2007 4:26:44 PM

What's brown and sticky?

a stick

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telemotion
Posted 12/7/2007 4:53:56 PM

how do you keep your daughter from being raped and murdered when she's a teenager?

rape and murder her when she's twelve.

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C_n_C_Babe
Posted 12/7/2007 5:34:53 PM

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?

When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

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C_n_C_Babe
Posted 12/7/2007 5:35:35 PM

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?


****ed.

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Psynyde
Posted 12/8/2007 1:20:59 AM

Didja ya hear the one about the guy who used to be a necrophiliac?

Seems he liked it, up until the ***** split on him.

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Psynyde
Posted 12/8/2007 1:25:37 AM

What do you call a black man flying an airplane?

....

A pilot, you racist.

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Chou Balloon Fighter
Posted 12/8/2007 1:46:46 AM

http://img253.imageshack.us/img253/963/1153426162701bg5na9.jpg
http://img253.imageshack.us/img253/16/heilokittyib0.jpg
http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/6853/dogsxo5.jpg